 |
 |
|
 |
|
|
|
||
| ||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
| ||
|
||
| ||
|
||
|
||
|
||
| ||
|
||
|
||
|
||
| ||
|
||
|
||
| ||
| V.2.18 | ||
| ||
| Goodbye. Forever. Sorry. |
| Just like that. |
| Sunday, April 20 2008 - 22:09 | batmite |
|
|
At certain times of the night I feel so incredibly horrible. My mind wanders, my heart beats too fast and I cannot sleep. And then it just stops. Just like that. When will this be over? |
| top |
|
| The memory |
| Saturday, April 19 2008 - 15:23 | batmite |
|
|
The idea I have of someone ~ I once used to love. The idea was completely in my head. there really wasn't anyone there was there? It was all in my head. My own lie. I once knew. I once knew my own lie. I once knew my own fantasy. That's an anonymous person now. It was just a dream. Wasn't it now? This is what I must do now ~ Destroy the memory. Destroy the dream. |
| top |
|
| The nothing. |
| Saturday, April 12 2008 - 1:38 | batmite |
|
|
You're watching. I'm watching. Keeping the door open. Saying nothing. You're watching. I'm watching. This feels like an art film. |
| top |
|
| OMG |
| Wednesday, April 9 2008 - 4:32 | batmite |
|
|
Why oh why am I not sleeping. :/ And why is this no sleep shit so consistent? :( Damnit. |
| top |
|
| Hell Night ~ January 6 2005 |
| Tuesday, March 11 2008 - 20:43 | batmite |
|
|
Dripping puddles outside as we bleach the bucket You sit very still on the couch The fear grips you mercilessly I tell you you should know better or do you? I drive home an empty pit gnawing sinking in my chest I want to be sick at my own feet The call I missed in the oblivion. Halfway there - a change of heart I call back a true realization Come home please Turn around. open arms beckon me. I'll never know given no time since the issue was dropped completely discarded no longer in mind - momentarily regarded never real in the first place. I'm fooling myself again, it's still there isn't it? |
| top |
|
| The Mirror |
| Friday, December 28 2007 - 23:44 | batmite |
|
|
You're not very deep, are you? A twisted sense of what care is. You don't know love, You don't know what love is. You only know avoidance of blame. Avoidance of guilt. from 20 years past. The father coming home at 1AM, your fear of that rage. I remember talk of Vodka and Squirt. Buddy parties with a great combination. I know ~ since I've tried it. The memories die hard don't they? They die hard within me. Don't inspect they may bite back. You don't see beyond your hole, that's true. Your only asset that you know others value. Your hole, you know how to use it. You own it; It's yours to hold. To great effect you destroy. Oh, well. Simple is as simple does. I guess it's better this way Your pedestal is cracked. You're not mending it. And you know what? You'll never know it. You'll never know why. It's easier this way. Isn't it? You're not very deep, are you? You make that compromise with yourself, but at what cost? |
| top |
|
| About going Bye Bye |
| Wednesday, December 12 2007 - 0:17 | batmite |
|
|
When someone loves someone else, it's through thick and thin. The feeling cannot be dissuaded. The feeling cannot be abolished. I thought that love was about honesty and integrity, even honor possibly. I thought that it was about not betraying trust. I thought it was not about being selfish in the face of adversity. I thought it was about loyalty. I thought I never ever betrayed that trust. I thought I was always there, always accessible. I suppose someone else never thought about me the way I thought about her. I thought it was supposed to be forever. Now I can see the situation rather clearly and I know it's all about never. What it's really about then?? It's about someone's need to be taken care of. It's about someone elses fear of doing it 'alone'. Even though we would have been together, we would have been in reality alone. I suppose it's my own existential process of thought, my own existential angst that destroyed it. I fucked it up because I'm too damn independent and she did not love me enough. Sure I would have been around to hug and hold her tight, but her trust in me just was not there to take her through the hard times that I had. I ran too silent, I ran too deep. The troubled times where things just became way too much for either of us were a big problem. Her doubt became unmanageable. I could not be her shining knight in armor every waking moment. And she was always the princess needing to be pampered, spoon fed, told that everything is going to be alright. Where is the responsibility? She has never once taken care of herself through life. Taken responsibility. Three years ago I saw her first in a particularly bad place, living in her grandfather's empty house while he was in the nursing home, living there scot-free. She was waiting tables. She had a 2 year old child borne out of wedlock. Not a good thing in a healthy Christian community if such a thing exists. I was in love with her. Then things became hard. Her grandfather was dying. Therefore the family was going to boot her out to sell the house and the burden of her upkeep became mine. She moved in because I let her, this was the wrong decision on my part, but I loved her... She never took care of herself. She never took care of the house, it was a wreck. I was coming home to a mess consistently. I kicked her out after 2 months, I was determined that she had to become self sufficient, maybe in my own way I was trying to knock some sense into her, make her more self aware. After this was a golden age, at least to me. She got a place in Vallejo, a nice apartment on her own, she was on welfare, going to Community College and her school grants & loans were taking care of her. This is an important point. Loans. Grants. Another example of borrowed time, this will discombobulate on her eventually, and pretty massively I think if this pattern continues on it's current course. Oh, well, the man of your moment will shoulder that burden, won't he? She had a situation recently one Wednesday where E. was sick and she could not miss a class. Sadly enough I am a huge stupid idiot and took the 'bait' to take care of him and drive her to class.... When seeing her life situation I could not avoid the nagging thought that she's been falling apart inside. It's like that video of the breaking vase that goes forward and then goes back wards, then forwards, then backwards. It's a trainwreck. And outside it shows. She could barely take care of herself. Her hair was greasy and unkempt. Her clothes were out of sorts and 'unchosen' if you know what I mean. Her place was a massive wreck. She could not do the dishes. Empty water bottles. Empty microwaveable cartons. Where is her new housecleaning hubby? She could not keep up with her studies. She made a 'D' grade on a recent exam. "This never happens" so she said. She could not keep the faith in her new relationship. I know this one first hand. She cheated with me on him like she cheated on me with whoever. People don't change. Of course I was privy to all of these silly shenanigans. She came to me with her new relationship problems STILL even after betraying my love and trust so badly. I am such a moron for caring so much and laying myself on the line again and again. I open my heart just so she can slide the dagger in silently again and again. Use me, use me. For whatever, you know. And I still love her, you know. While there I looked at all of the empty trojan wrappers on the floor and on the shelves next to the bed. Her dirty underwear on the floor. I see those small things. I see his tiny love notes and his scratched out mistake poems to her. He seems desperate too. I can tell. I see the insanity and the doubt, and you know it just breaks my heart completely. I still love her even through this impossibly difficult situation. Why did she even come to me? Why am I even a choice anymore? I don't exist, do I? Hrmmm... I seem to exist still to her. And he's mad that I spent all day with her, trying to glimpse a single shred of sanity between us, what we once had. Well, he should be mad, huh. We had a good time and went out to eat. He's not enough for her raging spirit. She will outgrow him eventually. Or is it that she will stop pretending to be someone else and wake up to what I believe to be the truth? Regardless, though. I need some... Honesty. with Myself. I need to leave it alone. I need to leave her alone. I need to leave her be. I don't know what's right for her. It's her battle and if I continue to attempt a plea bargain with her I will be utterly destroyed. If she sees it as a battle even. She does not know what the problem is, she's so blind to her own need to be taken care of. Fucking princess. She substantiated it years ago, authoritatively ~ "Of course I'm a princess, I'm worth it". No, honey. If you don't make value in yourself and to yourself ~ then you are worthless. Lay down your body one more time so we can all take a long look. You pay for the trivial life experience again and again, Trample on my heart again just for good measure. Your life isn't about love, it's just about your fear of survival. It's about your fear of lack. It's about your fear of death. It's about that big hole in your heart. Only you can conquer it. Only you can destroy your own demons. Only you can fill that hole, and it's not about someone else filling your hole, pun intended. But instead you postpone the confrontation again and again while masquerading it under the pretense of 'true love' or whatever it is you figure it to be. I'm so tired of encountering these broken people. I realize I'm just as broken too, though. Fuck me and my judgemental self. I am completely doomed. Because I still love you, you know. But love cannot exist without trust. So I need to go bye bye now. |
| top |
|
| The Big Lie. |
| Friday, November 23 2007 - 21:50 | batmite |
|
|
Been doing a lot of soul searching. My pain runs very deep these days people, right to the core of my being. It's enough to make we want to die. I keep myself busy with things that improve myself, this is the only way to deal with the loss. I have lost my best friend, my lover, my soul mate. And no, it does not matter one bit how I feel to her. I have told her again and again, to no avail. I guess it's time for me to say goodbye inside to those precious feelings. It's enough to say that I have been punishing myself every day, but it still isn't enough to convince her. It's always about goodbye these days. Move on, you can do it. I tell myself this all of the time, but I still cling. The cliffhanger continues no matter how much I inspect and re-evaluate the truth over and over. I am lying to myself. Is that what hope is? A big lie? I hope not. LOL! I guess I'm not lying. I still have my sense of humor. /drunk and feeling it tonight. Stay busy please. |
| top |
|
| top 49 SciFi books |
| Monday, October 22 2007 - 21:20 | batmite |
|
|
1. The Lord of the Rings, J.R.R. Tolkien 2. The Foundation Trilogy, Isaac Asimov 3. Dune, Frank Herbert 4. Stranger in a Strange Land, Robert A. Heinlein 5. A Wizard of Earthsea, Ursula K. Le Guin 6. Neuromancer, William Gibson 7. Childhood’s End, Arthur C. Clarke 8. Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?, Philip K. Dick 9. The Mists of Avalon, Marion Zimmer Bradley 10. Fahrenheit 451, Ray Bradbury 11. The Book of the New Sun, Gene Wolfe 12. A Canticle for Leibowitz, Walter M. Miller, Jr. 13. The Caves of Steel, Isaac Asimov 14. Children of the Atom, Wilmar Shiras 15. Cities in Flight, James Blish 16. The Colour of Magic, Terry Pratchett 17. Dangerous Visions, edited by Harlan Ellison 18. Deathbird Stories, Harlan Ellison 19. The Demolished Man, Alfred Bester 20. Dhalgren, Samuel R. Delany 21. Dragonflight, Anne McCaffrey 22. Ender’s Game, Orson Scott Card 23. The First Chronicles of Thomas Covenant the Unbeliever, Stephen R. Donaldson 24. The Forever War, Joe Haldeman 25. Gateway, Frederik Pohl 26. Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone, J.K. Rowling 27. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams 28. I Am Legend, Richard Matheson 29. Interview with the Vampire, Anne Rice 30. The Left Hand of Darkness, Ursula K. Le Guin 31. Little, Big, John Crowley 32. Lord of Light, Roger Zelazny 33. The Man in the High Castle, Philip K. Dick 34. Mission of Gravity, Hal Clement 35. More Than Human, Theodore Sturgeon 36. The Rediscovery of Man, Cordwainer Smith 37. On the Beach, Nevil Shute 38. Rendezvous with Rama, Arthur C. Clarke 39. Ringworld, Larry Niven 40. Rogue Moon, Algis Budrys 41. The Silmarillion, J.R.R. Tolkien 42. Slaughterhouse-5, Kurt Vonnegut 43. Snow Crash, Neal Stephenson 44. Stand on Zanzibar, John Brunner 45. The Stars My Destination, Alfred Bester 46. Starship Troopers, Robert A. Heinlein 47. Timescape, Gregory Benford 48. To Your Scattered Bodies Go, Philip Jose Farmer 49. The GAIA Trilogy, John Varley (Bold = Read) |
| top |
|
| Losing sleep. |
| Wednesday, October 10 2007 - 4:06 | batmite |
|
|
Day 4. Staying up. Listening to Radiohead, again. Wondering how long it will last. Pretty calm, maybe because I'm tired. The computer bores me. That is all. |
| top |
|
| Jagermeister Spass |
| Monday, October 8 2007 - 22:06 | batmite |
|
 Du Fotze. Ich habe besseren Sachen mit meiner Zeit zu tun. Listening to Radiohead. Paranoid Android Karma Police Nice Dream High and Dry Uncovered the Wacom from the crap covering it. Nothing coming yet. Understandable. Anger here. It's nice sitting here naked. Without. Actually nice would you believe it. Probably not. They are arguing next door again. "Get out of my house! This is my house! Get the fuck out!" It's so precious the way he says it... I should record it. It's amazing what people will put up with. People are fucking evil, aren't they? This is the world I live in. Without. Trying to find my center. It's not working properly and strangely I'm fine with that. There is a first time for everything. |
| top |
|
| Computer Suckage. |
| Tuesday, July 3 2007 - 23:33 | batmite |
|
|
I have these great reflections on life whenever I'm away from the computer. I have great reflections while: 1. Driving. 2. Taking a shower. 3. Eating. 4. ... I need to learn to stay away from this evil computer thing and get into life again. Fat chance huh. I'll try. Of course this all came out wrong because, well... It's being composed on a computer. Fuck. |
| top |
|
| XP Pro's Stupidest... |
| Wednesday, June 27 2007 - 20:27 | batmite |
|
networking feature: This setting (if checked *which is the DEFAULT*) prevents all network authentication to shares using specific usernames and passwords. It treats all remote connections as using the GUEST account! Whee!! That sucks, huh? THANKS Micro$oft!! :) |
| top |
|
| Damn good burgers in NYC |
| Wednesday, June 13 2007 - 1:36 | batmite |
|
 I remember eating at this place at 1:30am about twice a week in the mid 1990's. The past comes back to haunt me at the weirdest times. I don't feel so bad about it I guess. I don't think I ever paid. Thanks a bunch Cat. |
| top |
|
| Eggshells |
| Wednesday, June 13 2007 - 1:21 | batmite |
|
|
Too many consumers, not enough producers. consuming too much lately, not producing enough. My soul it feels like an empty shell about to break. everything keeps dripping out no matter how much I fill in.... |
| top |
|
| HDCP DVD Vista |
| Friday, May 18 2007 - 19:33 | batmite |
|
|
Oh, my. DVD playback in my installation of Windows Vista Ultimate is completely broken. WMP, Media Center, and WinDVD8 won't play DVD's at all. I'm sure this is related to HDCP being broken somewhere along the line, and this leads me to say that Vista is horribly broken because of the integration of the Movie Studio's DRM wishlist. Asta la Vista, Baby! Here comes XP Pro once again. In any case I really hate Vista's Pen Tablet Extensions. My Wacom is nice, but installing the Wacom drivers enables so much garbage. You would think 2g of ram would be enough, but it's still SLOW. So good riddance, Vista. :| Interesting Read Here. Edit: Apparently Microsoft has removed playback support for RPC-1 (Region-Free) DVD Drives... So, it is Microsoft's fault! :P I'll have to reflash both of my drives... :( More reading.... Edit 2: Fixed by flashing 'back' to RPC2 firmware. Yay! |
| top |
|
| It's just a number. |
| Wednesday, May 2 2007 - 22:56 | batmite |
|
|
09 F9 11 02 9D 74 E3 5B D8 41 56 C5 63 56 88 C0 And people can get sued for it, too. |
| top |
|
| Monster |
| Friday, March 30 2007 - 22:08 | batmite |
|
 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monster 74 episodes. Seriously Excellent Stuff. |
| top |
|
| Spore |
| Saturday, March 24 2007 - 21:20 | batmite |
|
|
I just cannot wait for Spore... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8dvMDFOFnA http://www.ebgames.com/product.asp?product%5Fid=646589 October 1, 2007 |
| top |
|
| Chiang Wei-kuo |
| Wednesday, January 10 2007 - 3:36 | batmite |
|
| http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chiang_Wei-kuo |
| top |
|
| LOL!!! |
| Tuesday, December 19 2006 - 17:45 | batmite |
|
 |
| top |
|
| A man and his dog |
| Tuesday, December 19 2006 - 5:45 | batmite |
|
|
A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them. After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight. When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side. When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?" "This is Heaven, sir," the man answered. "Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the man asked. "Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up." The man gestured, and the gate began to open. "Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?" the traveler asked. "I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets." The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog. After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence. As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book. "Excuse me!" he called to the man. "Do you have any water?" "Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in." "How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to the dog. "There should be a bowl by the pump." They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it. The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog. When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree. "What do you call this place?" the traveler asked. "This is Heaven," he answered. "Well, that's confusing," the traveler said. "The man down the road said that was Heaven, too." "Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell." "Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?" "No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind." |
| top |
|
| Wednesday, December 13 2006 - 4:35 | batmite |
|
 People grow up, I think. |
| top |
|
| Fast food drive by |
| Friday, December 8 2006 - 2:08 | batmite |
|
|
| top |
|
| Spillage. |
| Friday, November 10 2006 - 0:14 | batmite |
|
|
Sigh. Smaller stuff found that needs to be reconfigured on the server almost all of the time. I hate this damn kernel 2.2 POS. Anyways. I keep thinking about people who have gone. I'm still here. I really don't want them back, but it's interesting to vicariously live in their lives by visiting their online personalities. What a piece of shit I am. I have not picked up a paintbrush in months. No wonder I'm so sick. I'm just full of healthy shit just brimming over. Spillage. Sigh. I need to call older friends soon. :P |
| top |
|
| Sigh. |
| Thursday, October 26 2006 - 1:20 | batmite |
|
|
She makes me cry. I don't know what to do. I suppose tomorrow is another day, I will find out what the point is later. XGL is fun. She'll never understand why it's fun to me. I suppose I did the right thing to make this damn script do it's CGI thing if you see this. Hackers SUCK. Fuck you all you damn script kiddies. (what fun, all of my add-on plugins were disabled. YAY! I should go home now.) |
| top |
|
| Mechanic |
| Wednesday, October 4 2006 - 0:01 | batmite |
|
|
The method The algorithm the procedure Cause and effect Departure and return Before and after Hello and goodbye Beginning and end Start and finish The procedure. the text in mechanic. |
| top |
|
| Feederz, Etc.. |
| Friday, September 22 2006 - 1:49 | batmite |
|
|
http://www.feederz.com/ I love these guys. It's what america is all about. Their best record is actually dangerous to the rest of your collection since it has sandpaper on it's front, so it rips up the other records...  Awesome. http://www.thedwarves.com/  These guys are cool, too. I saw a Dwarves show in Richmond, Va. when I was in college. I think the band almost got arrested since they were being indecent and the lead singer was physically attempting to disrobe the girls in the audience... gee. Crazy Stuff. I would talk about the crucifucks... but I'm tired.  DOC CORBIN DART Here's more history: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crucifucks Thank goodness for my appreciation of strange and wonderful insanity. ZzZzZzZz time now... |
| top |
|
| Note to self |
| Tuesday, August 29 2006 - 5:52 | batmite |
|
| Consistently going to sleep at 6:00am is not good. |
| top |
|
| Candle of Life (1969) |
| Sunday, August 27 2006 - 1:14 | batmite |
|
|
Something you can't hide Says you're lonely Hidden deep inside Of you only It's there for you to see Take a look and be Burn slowly the candle of life Something there outside Says we're only In the hands of time Falling slowly It's there for us to know With love that we can go Burn slowly the candle of life So love everybody And make them your friend So love everybody And make them your friend Something you can't hide Says you're lonely Hidden deep inside Of you only It's there for you to see Take a look and be Burn slowly the candle of life Something there outside Says we're only In the hands of time Falling slowly It's there for us to know With love that we can go Burn slowly the candle of life My parents used to listen to the Moody Blues when I was growing up. If only they knew how much I like them now because of that introduction. Thanks Mom, Thanks Dad. :) It reminds me of times when I didn't think so much. God, I just can't escape myself anymore. What do I think about? Stupid as it may seem, I just can't recall. How crazy is that? |
| top |
|
| Vrooom. |
| Wednesday, July 26 2006 - 23:52 | batmite |
|
 Pitch black 30 second exposure at around 3:00am. I could not sleep so I was messing with my camera. This car is really fun. It makes my heart race just a little. Those damn germans and their damn contraptions. |
| top |
|
| wheee. |
| Wednesday, July 19 2006 - 0:55 | batmite |
|
|
I am driving a Porsche again. :) OMG it's so fast! I wish I were in Deutschland! (Read: Autobahn = no speed limit) Q: How many glasses of wine in a bottle? A: 3.5, I just counted. Blarghh! |
| top |
|
| Guccione |
| Wednesday, June 28 2006 - 1:37 | batmite |
|
|
I think I sorta got the way I am by reading penthouse.... There is some questioning liberalism present in Guccione's 70's penthouses which is refreshing. It borders on Anarchistic antagonism. yay. Nevermind me, my mind is wandering. Linkage  |
| top |
|
| HAHA!! |
| Wednesday, May 24 2006 - 20:25 | batmite |
|
 LOL |
| top |
|
| Oct 31 2004 - May 5 2006. |
| Saturday, May 6 2006 - 0:03 | batmite |
|
|
Seems so stupidly surreal that I received an email from OkCupid the same day that my GF broke up with me.. For what seems like the 20th time. hrmmm... It's like a fucking sign from GOD or something. Guess it's time to start again, but I don't see much hope right now. I should just give up on that entirely. 7 year cycles. I know, I know, it's too soon to say anything. It's time to be alone, honestly it's way easier and alot less work. Here we go set it in stone watch the time fly unto all oblivion.  I have better things to focus on and do with my time anyways, like make things that outlast me, instead of spinning my wheels getting nowhere sifting through the remains of broken people. Fuck that. Honestly. COMPLETELY FUCK THAT. I know I am broken, why focus on that trivial shit? That just goes nowhere -- the self pity party for one with uninvited guests. If I weren't broken in some way(s) there would be no reason to improve, right? Am I right? Just get on with it, go somewhere, it will take care of itself in the end, no? QUIT FUCKING WASTING MY TIME. (I like Killing Joke.) |
| top |
|
| Tao |
| Friday, March 17 2006 - 19:30 | batmite |
|
|
"If you want to be whole, you must first be partial. If you want to be straight, you must first be crooked. If you want to be full, you must first be empty. If you want to be reborn, you must first die. If you want everything, give everything up. If you don't display yourself, people will see your light. If you have nothing to prove, people will trust you. If you don't try to be something, people will see themselves in you. If you don't have a goal, you will always succeed." "The path into the light is dark. The path foward is backward. True power seems weak, true purity seems tarnished, true resolve seems changeable, true clarity becomes obscure. The greatest art is unsophisticated, the greatest love indifferent, the greatest wisdom childish." Some smart but crazy fella sent me these to help me in my time of darkness. |
| top |
|
| March 3, 2006 - Self Portrait with Magus |
| Sunday, March 5 2006 - 0:57 | batmite |
|
 Automatic and thoughtless existence is my enemy. So are people who don't think. Some may think this is crazy, but I just can't help how I feel. |
| top |
|
| March 2, 2006 - Descent |
| Saturday, March 4 2006 - 21:56 | batmite |
|
 Staircase, Greenbrae, CA March 2, 2006 10:32pm |
| top |
|
| My hero |
| Friday, March 3 2006 - 13:07 | batmite |
|
|
"Men are basically smart or dumb and lazy or ambitious. The dumb and ambitious ones are dangerous and I get rid of them. The dumb and lazy ones I give mundane duties. The smart ambitious ones I put on my staff. The smart and lazy ones I make my commanders." -Erwin Rommel "Rommel, you magnificent bastard! I read your book!" -General George S. Patton in North Africa |
| top |
|
| Yes, you know it. |
| Friday, March 3 2006 - 0:00 | batmite |
|
people suck. I want some. Or alot. Tired. Exhausted. Sad. Sick of it all. People don't change, really. That bullet, that blade. It goes both ways I suppose. I should have known better, now I have wasted time. Be it mine or sombody elses. Oh well, that milk is all over the floor now. It's dark and the TV is mumbling in my ear. All is quiet as the rain on the roof goes pitter patter. Howling outside, stillness inside. Stillness outside, howling inside. Auf wiedersehen, mein Freunde. |
| top |
|
| Tired but getting happier. |
| Tuesday, February 21 2006 - 23:16 | batmite |
|
|
Sleep. Wake. Shower. Walk. Work. Bla bla bla. Repeat. Nine Black Alps. Good. Buy please. :) |
| top |
|
| Small time shot away |
| Wednesday, February 1 2006 - 21:23 | batmite |
|
|
Took her in Dropped a line Turned me on (I travel I travel) We never leave each other 'cause we leave each other so cold Makes it melt away The easy part is taking yourself in It's wartime every time Shot away Wipe the smile from your face It's getting in the way It's wartime every time She cut me a line and she turned me on She made it cool You couldn't do it if you wanted to (Believe me believe me) It's wartime every time Small talk every time It's my favourite chloroform It's pill talk every time Get it out the way Friction wound Shot away Ricochet We're like identical twins Sucking on the same teat Spitting out the same things (I travel far, I travel far) It's wartime every time Small talk every time It's my favourite chloroform It's pillow talk every time Get it out the way Friction wound Ricochet Line'em up and knock'em down Shot away A shot away A shot away A shot away |
| top |
|
| hrmmmm. |
| Tuesday, January 31 2006 - 0:50 | batmite |
|
|
Maybe that wasn't the worst day of my life. However it's not really just a day that's been bad here, it's the entire week. But it's like the same amount of bad spread out over the week. Diluted. Numb. Bland. Tasteless. Bad Butter on Fuck Toast. Spread it all over me in diluted pain. Just listen to the wind and the patter of rain. Seems like time has slowed down. It's a weird feeling, watching the second hand crawl across the dead space of time. And yet at the end of the day I wonder where the time was spent. A dream was in my mind when I woke up this morning... that I was running away from her. That may just be the ticket out of this desolate place. I just need time to comprehend myself and my broken heart. How selfish.  |
| top |
|
| Bla. |
| Saturday, January 14 2006 - 22:49 | batmite |
|
| This has been the worst day of my life, I'm sure. |
| top |
|
| Sigh. |
| Friday, December 9 2005 - 19:19 | batmite |
|
|
A slight twitch in my eye, it means nothing, so I tell myself. And... the dance begins, whatever, whatever. |
| top |
|
| There is... |
| Wednesday, December 7 2005 - 19:01 | batmite |
|
A particularly nasty and empty feeling here. When I have felt like this before, it was always a good thing to retreat into the garage and stare at all of the works of art in progress. No such luck here. No room yet for that at the moment, unfortunately.  Pulling through, once again. The eye of the needle... What I am dissatisfied with seems fairly obscure. People places things. Could be anything, really. Dear Eric, |
| top |
|
| Cost of War |
| Thursday, November 24 2005 - 8:40 | batmite |
|
|
"World War II, also known as the Second World War, was a mid-20th-century conflict that engulfed much of the globe and is generally accepted as the largest and deadliest continuous war in human history. World War II resulted in the direct or indirect death of anywhere from 50 to 60 million people, over 3% of the world population at that time. It is estimated to have cost more money and resources than all other wars combined: about 1 trillion US dollars in 1945 (roughly 10.5 trillion in 2005), not including subsequent reconstruction." WW2 60,000,000 killed 10,500,000,000 spent Iraq 34,000 killed (?? Iraqi and Coalition) 221,000,000 spent Something seems disproportionate here. Some figures place Iraqi casualties as high as 100,000. WW2 Links http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Second_World_Wars Iraq War Links http://nationalpriorities.org/index.php?option=com_wrapper&Itemid=182 http://www.iraqbodycount.net/ http://www.antiwar.com/casualties/ |
| top |
|
| 7, then 8, then 9 |
| Wednesday, November 16 2005 - 8:18 | batmite |
|
|
It's a strange feeling when people you once knew are gone and lost forever. http://westpotomacclassof86.com/remembrance.html Weird. Remember, Take hold of your time here.... Give some meaning to the means (Interpol - Not Even Jail) |
| top |
|
| Mmmm... Bacon |
| Monday, November 14 2005 - 13:12 | batmite |
|
  |
| top |
|
| Philosophy |
| Friday, November 4 2005 - 19:03 | batmite |
|
|
My life philosophy seems either completely wrong or non-existant. So what's new some people may ask. Well. It's one thing to actually think about it, versus it being an unconscious 'programmed' behavior. I ran into a 2 year old email from someone who isn't around anymore. Very enlightening and illuminating. oh, well. Think think think. Ponder ponder ponder. The more I think about the sadder it seems. ok. ok. I've been a pretty shitty person. But funnily enough I knew that deep down already. Time to stop being negative and start getting angry? No, just get productive. I know I have compassion, it's the inward negativity that changes everything. |
| top |
|
| Thinking about Gregory. |
| Thursday, November 3 2005 - 0:01 | batmite |
|
 Still Life with Squash and Rutabagas 1975 Gregory Gillespie, 1936-2000 "But with success came personal disruption. In 1977, Frances was working on a double portrait of herself and Gregory seated at a table. Gregory thought the composition was faulty and recommended that she saw the panel in half (both painters customarily worked on wood rather than canvas). Frances followed his advice, only later realizing its significance.  Provenance 1968 Gregory was found hung in his studio in Belchertown, Mass., on April 26 2000. I actually cried when I found out he had killed himself, since I have very strong memories of his paintings while I was interning at the Hirschhorn museum in Washington DC. |
| top |
|
| Spam |
| Wednesday, November 2 2005 - 20:17 | batmite |
|
|
I hate spam, but sometimes it can be very amusing. SEXUALLY-EXPLICIT: One Flexible Fist Went Deep Inside batmite! Whoa, I don't like the picture that paints at all! :| I'm extremely sad today, don't know what I can do about that one. I can't keep trying to change people, I just have to accept them for who they are. It goes both ways, likewise I suppose. People can't change me, either. We are only here on this earth for so long, no time to waste. I have to just keep moving on, I suppose. Trying to understand all of this, hold it in my hands. Like holding onto water, my thoughts just keeps dripping through or fading into a gas.. which slowly floats away unnoticed. Doom and gloom, bla bla bla. One becomes tired of the programming. Time to change the channel. Click. But still, I can't help feeling really defeated by all of this. It's like it never should have started. Now that's just sad. :( Oh, yeah, I have added new (old) stuff in the 2d section, and maybe in the 3d section as well. I've been doing so much adding and changing that my head is spinning like a top.... |
| top |
|
| RVA Memories |
| Tuesday, November 1 2005 - 1:53 | batmite |
|
|
Ahh... I remember this one, this was the view off of the back porch of the place I lived in while in Richmond, VA going to Art school. Oregon Hill.  Hollywood Cemetary. Myspace is horribly buggy. Someone actually bought that crap. I'm tired. ZzZz. |
| top |
|
| Bummer. |
| Monday, October 31 2005 - 23:29 | batmite |
|
|
No job. Denied. :( Learning how to unwrap in 3dsMax. Seems like a vital skill for 3d Artists. :) My mom's dog had to be put to sleep because of a tumor. Sadness. She was a really sweet dog.  Emma Jean Cocoa Bean 1993-2005 Goodbye Emma, I hope you're running free in that big ole kennel in the sky... *weep* Bad stuff seems to just happen all at once. ok, life it continues. Keep going. |
| top |
|
| Overlib DP DOSBox Job. |
| Thursday, October 20 2005 - 2:11 | batmite |
|
|
hrmmm, setup overlib on my toolbar to the left, the 'tooltips' show up at the upper left corner... it took just a few minutes to set it up completely. Interesting. I got Deluxe Paint (1993) up and running in DOSBox under windows 2000, it works great! I want the DOSBox developers to work out VESA modes above 800x600, though. DP in 1024x768 is awesome... :) http://dosbox.sourceforge.net/ Oh, yeah... I have an job interview on Friday. /go me. over and out. |
| top |
|
| Monday Afternoon. |
| Monday, October 17 2005 - 15:19 | batmite |
|
|
Things have simmered down. Back to normal. It's hard, though.... It's satisfying but somehow it's still full of uncertainty. Who knows, I suppose sticking it out is a better choice than just giving up again. I can't help myself, I love her. :) And... for those people who have hotlinked Moonshine without even asking me first, you have been Goatse'd. :( There's a lesson here somewhere. Host your own images so that some jerk like me can't change them to Goatse on you. Ignorant people get what they deserve. Now to figure out how to mod_rewrite the image urls for external referrers. :) |
| top |
|
| ummm... |
| Tuesday, October 11 2005 - 12:36 | batmite |
|
|
Scratch that. Things are *not* fine. :( Back and forth - back and forth. -------------- Got an actual call back from the prospective employer. Things in that area are really positive. Why can't everything else be fine as well?? I'm not really angry, just completely disappointed. People make choices and I really need to understand that they are usually a result of their own 'programming'. There is no logic involved usually. :( |
| top |
|
| huh. |
| Saturday, October 8 2005 - 5:38 | batmite |
|
 ummmm.... I should not be awake. I think I may be getting a job. This is a good thing. The girlfriend is not really ready to deal with a relationship. Or was it me. I'm not sure anymore. This is a bad thing. Sigh. I am so completely tired of this same thing happening over and over, but then again I'm not thinking correctly since I should be sleeping. ok. Aphex Twin is good. Does anyone read cyrillic russian here. Ok, enough babble. /me is tired |
| top |
|
| Kansas |
| Thursday, August 25 2005 - 10:40 | batmite |
|
|
In Kansas for grandfather's funeral. The flight here was dismal and boring. I like airports but hate flying... go figure. I showed up 2 hours early thinking the check in would be excruciatingly long. ummm... it went really quickly, so after that I had mucho time to waste. Peoplewatching galore. Lots of memories come flooding back from the smell of Grandpa's house. It's really funny how the smells of a particular location bring back so much of what I thought I had forgotten. Sniff sniff.  Laverne and George Reedy, sometime in the 1940's. Life goes on, doesn't it? :) |
| top |
|
| Life and Star Wars |
| Wednesday, June 22 2005 - 0:41 | batmite |
|
|
Sitting back, drinking some wine. Thinking about life. Life really isn't that bad, the idiots they will play their games. Saw the new Star Wars movie... what a pile 'o' Scheisse! Horrible acting. on a scale of 1-10 Ewan McGregor (Obi Wan Kenobi) - 8 Natalie Portman (Padmé) - 2 Hayden Christensen (Anakin Skywalker) - 2 Ian McDiarmid (Palpatine) - 5 Samuel L. Jackson (Mace Windu) - 2 Jimmy Smits (Senator Bail Organa) - 3 Frank Oz (Yoda voice) - 7 Anthony Daniels (C-3PO) - 7 Christopher Lee (Count Dooku) - 8 Rockin' Ewan McGregor stole this movie away from Hayden Christensen, actually. But nothing can fix a horrible screenplay, really. Oh, well. I wonder how much the boxed set is going to be... I'm a FOOL! :) BTW, I did see Star Wars Episode 4 in the theatre. :) |
| top |
|
| wheee!!! |
| Monday, June 20 2005 - 13:41 | batmite |
|
|
QuitMeter Counter courtesy of www.quitmeter.com. |
| top |
|
| Cinco De Mayo |
| Thursday, May 5 2005 - 1:51 | batmite |
|
 |
| top |
|
| Harold North |
| Tuesday, May 3 2005 - 0:54 | batmite |
|
I remember Harold North very fondly from my undergrad studies at the VCU Sculpture department. He was always very calm and collected in his teaching methods. It's good to see him still working at VCU! Is this him?  Kickin' it on the (same?) Motorcycle?  What a rebel. :) Oh, yeah. Link: Here. |
| top |
|
| Life |
| Monday, April 4 2005 - 21:54 | batmite |
|
|
It's good. Not taking people's bullshit too seriously. I have this really bad habit, I try to fix other people's problems. Regardless of whether they want help or not. Stopping that shit. It's unhealthy.  Now that's healthy. 57 varieties healthy. Mmmmmm... Beans. :) |
| top |
|
| Sigh. |
| Monday, March 28 2005 - 0:41 | batmite |
|
|
Back from vacation. I feel refreshed. Not looking forward to the work situation at all. Yay. :( I give it too much when it does not give to me. So be it. |
| top |
|
| Grrr. |
| Tuesday, March 8 2005 - 2:39 | batmite |
|
 ummm yeah. Hair is gone. |
| top |
|
| BMW 2002 Links |
| Sunday, February 27 2005 - 16:02 | batmite |
|
|
http://www.hbci.com/~tskwiot/2002.html http://www.schusterphoto.com/beyond2.htm http://www.dagsites.com/2002colors.htm http://bimmer.roadfly.org/bmw/forums/2002/ http://www.ultimatecarpage.com/frame.php?file=car.php&carnum=2098 http://www.bmw2002faq.com/ http://www.bimmers.com/02/ http://www.francisscott.com/~bmw2002/gallery/don.htm http://www.bayarea02.com/index.html |
| top |
|
| Nuclear Crayons -- JFA |
| Tuesday, February 22 2005 - 21:03 | batmite |
|
|
I wish someone had MP3's of those old Nuclear Crayons records!!! Grrrr... Sooo much good music faded into dust!!! I also need JFA - Untitled... I wonder if they rereleased it on CD???? They did release Valley of the Yakes on a CD... hrmmm... Damn record labels. :) http://home.earthlink.net/~brianjfa/ JFA Discography! JFA on Amazon What is truly too weird: it has been so long since I have heard this music that I may well hate it now... hahaha!!! Clinging onto my past as some sort of reference in my life... yeah, WEIRD. Well, I did buy a Stalag 13 CD a few weeks ago and it's pretty awesome... so. Nevermind, I may just be a little negative. :) Pffft! :) |
| top |
|
| Some poop I wrote.... And sickness. |
| Thursday, February 17 2005 - 21:40 | batmite |
|
|
Yeah, shit is crazy, but it's always that way... since you see, it's really all in my head! Don't take the shit so seriously and it usually ends up alright, just falling right into your lap like you have always wanted it. Don't forget to nudge every so often, gently and with firm pressure..... :) The sickness is now mostly gone. I swear, I have not been that sick in like 15 years it seems! :) Wow. |
| top |
|
| Chris King hubs, Bike geeking. |
| Friday, February 4 2005 - 16:56 | batmite |
|
|
I talked about this about a year ago, but here it is again... I notice alot of people complaining about Chris King hubs dragging, and I may have a solution based upon the Cassette type intalled. My Cassette: Shimano XT 8 speed My Hub: Chris King classic hub, aluminum freehub body The issue is the plastic dust guard on the XT Cassette, when you tighten the Cassette down onto the freehub body, the plastic dust guard totally mashes down upon the hub body, which of course drags and creates chain suck. So.. unclip that plastic piece and toss it, then reinstall the Cassette, and there is no rubbing! One problem may be that you have to check the space between the freehub and the hub shell more often for dust and grime, clean it out, etc. etc. More pictures later... maybe. :) Geek on this now... http://www.whatisdeepfried.com/zogg/zogg1.html |
| top |
|
| Bla bla bla. |
| Friday, February 4 2005 - 1:41 | batmite |
|
|
I see alot of promises. I see alot of promise. I see alot of shit never getting done. Sigh. It's never easy is it. Not depressed, just musing about existence. |
| top |
|
| Vroom vroom Bike |
| Thursday, January 13 2005 - 16:29 | batmite |
|
 ummmmm.... 1997 Independent Fabrication frame. Mango Chris King hubs and headset... yummmmmm. UltraViolet Cook Bros cranks. Crank bros special edition orange pedals. Roox Stem. old school Grafton brakes. Lots of other tasty small goodies. :) Only 4 Shimano parts on the entire bike. :) My bike roxorz. :) |
| top |
|
| Wheee |
| Thursday, January 13 2005 - 12:39 | batmite |
|
|
What a fucking horrible holiday it has been. At the same time some really awesome things happened. HRMMMM. Anyways, the server has been moved to a new rackspace. Wheeee! For some reason the 2d_art.shtml was a binary file??? Weird. Fixed. I killed my old email address, too much spam. Use this one instead: batmite2000 AT sloppybits DOT com I got a gmail account. eric.gurtner AT gmail DOT com I got a new apartment within walking distance from work. I have been walking and biking to work, I think I have lost some weight as a result. The new Girlfriend is completely and fully rockin' my world. Certainly too much to account for in such a small space. Life is good. :) |
| top |
|
| Monday, December 13 2004 - 12:03 | batmite |
|
|
If you are nothing then that is what you have made yourself into. Own up to the reality of living, please. We all hurt, what matters is what you do with that pain. We are all blank slates, some are blanker than others. It could be a good thing... or it could be a bad thing. We are all alone, yet we are not. Perspective is beneficial in this matter. |
| top |
|
| 15 seconds |
| Friday, December 10 2004 - 11:34 | batmite |
|
 It only took 15 seconds. Complete boredom here. I feel as if I should be doing something else. Isn't it obvious? All I want to do is drive away from all of this crap. Worthless. It only has value if you make it so, and there is no room for doubt whatsoever. It has been proven again and again. Saw the new Bourne movie last night. Interesting twists. |
| top |
|
| Painting Updates |
| Wednesday, December 8 2004 - 20:58 | batmite |
|
|
Updates: New version of Magus, here. 2 New 2002 paintings that were hiding from me.... Never. Mechanic. Must relax. |
| top |
|
| have you ever done this.... |
| Friday, December 3 2004 - 20:43 | batmite |
|
|
Listened to a music CD you really love while watching TV.... It is strange how harmless and innocuous the TV is to me without sound, or with the substituted soundtrack... In my case it's Massive Attack 100th Window, with CBS... I think it's CBS... Whatever. I'm feeling giddy, I have to drive to Vallejo tonite! :) yay! P.S. Kill your TV. |
| top |
|
| Thursday, December 2 2004 - 15:53 | batmite |
|
|
It's an odd place, most definitely. My overactive imagination tries to conform or mold an odd situation into my usual sense of experience.... |
| top |
|
| Unfinished Dream |
| Thursday, December 2 2004 - 1:49 | batmite |
|
|
Waking up in a cold sweat, a shiver a dream recedes silently. The inbetween compressed time state where everything is possible. What was it that just touched me? I helplessly watch as hope is dashed. In just a single moment I am always given a chance to fool myself once again. I don't want this pain anymore, do you hear me? It has visited me all too often, so please take it away. Go to sleep, the dream will always be waiting for you to return. |
| top |
|
| Blank expression. Beware the Dragon within. |
| Wednesday, December 1 2004 - 16:46 | batmite |
|
|
Things are so extremely relative. I listen to one and all seems correct and good. I listen to another and the doubt grows. I just want everything to be good again. But I just won't let it. Relax on this path of self destruction.  I feel completely incomplete. Stop listening. Christmas is coming and I don't want anything since there is really nothing anyone can give me. :( Well.... there is one thing, but it has to be found first. Can I trust that to happen? The unknown will completely eat me for sure... the acid fist of doubt grips my heart mercilessly. It's a test, isn't it? For me as well as her. Just be patient and don't let this devolve into anger. Paranoia is already here. :( |
| top |
|
| Alien Space |
| Monday, November 29 2004 - 14:52 | batmite |
|
|
I'm in such a wierd place... It's like I want to laugh AND cry at the same time. It's irritating in that I know what it is, actually. I have been waiting a long time for this. 4:00 am - Now it's like being very happy to be sick to my stomach. yay! :) |
| top |
|
| Weird Memories. |
| Wednesday, November 24 2004 - 0:31 | batmite |
|
|
Thinking about some stuff that has happened in my life, this will be continually updated: 1. First time I smoked a cigarette in 1984 with Jeff Spahr in Waynewood. It was a Marlboro Red. :) 2. Falling down off of my bike in 1985, I was knocked out, I don't quite remember how I got home.... Scar on right eyebrow.. It was 14 stitches if I remember correctly. :) 3. Getting drunk off of Uzo.. Greek Licorice Alcoholic stuff. Sorry, Mom, I'll buy you more someday. :) 4. One time in the 9th grade when a piece of glass came out of a 3rd story window and proceeded right into my lower lip splitting it in half.... This was at George Washington JHS, the same school building where Jim Morrison went to High School (TRUE!). Scar on lower lip, only 3 stitches! 5. 1986 The smell of Tea Rose, Stratford landing school park, Pink Floyd The Wall. 6. 1985 The lights turning on at 2 am in Michele's backyard. huhuhu. Nevermind. :) 7. 1992 (?) Stealing that half-full Keg from that frat party in Richmond!!! 8. 1990 Marc Ledford, his Dream Machine, Pot, and Psychick TV vinyl records. Lots of incense, too. That guy was crazy cool. 9. ..... |
| top |
|
| Spam Title |
| Tuesday, November 23 2004 - 16:08 | batmite |
|
 Click for a bigger version (600 x 600). hehe. Smiling and you wonder why! I must be really bored. Mouse, Photoshop CS, 15 minutes, 11-23-2004 4:01pm |
| top |
|
| Sigh. |
| Tuesday, November 23 2004 - 14:59 | batmite |
|
|
http://www.unamerican.com/catalog/index.htm#stickers There is probably a sticker here that will fit whatever pisses you off at any given moment. Correction. There isn't one for "The Girl cannot come to visit you because she does not have a babysitter." Smile if you are reading this one. :) Hehehe! |
| top |
|
| Monday, November 22 2004 - 20:34 | batmite |
|
|
Nape of the neck The hand grips I cannot escape The undying myth |
| top |
|
| Blogging sucks |
| Monday, November 22 2004 - 13:56 | batmite |
|
|
The online blogging 'thing' is really wierd. You only see what people are willing to represent. So ultimately the question about people online is always 'Truth or Lie?'. It's pretty splintered and unreal, the way people act on the internet. People's needs and problems and psychosis become hugely magnified. It's fairly Schizophrenic. It's a false world of lost nuance, in your face all of the time. It sucks! |
| top |
|
| Lay off the crack! |
| Monday, November 22 2004 - 13:33 | batmite |
|
|
Wow... I post some crazy stuff sometimes. It's almost as if I should censor myself, but then again it's really interesting to read later to try to make sense of it. The revolving questions, they go 'round and 'round. hrmmm.... Listening to Beck. Blackhole is an awesome song. I think my life is going to change very drastically VERY soon.... It seems like I am standing on the threshold. I just realized something..... |
| top |
|
| Ass Takers |
| Sunday, November 21 2004 - 5:01 | batmite |
|
|
Thinking about a particular woman. Things are unresolved within myself. I will never be complete. Who will ever be complete. Who can answer these questions except for myself? Why is life so damn strange all of a sudden? When is my vacation? I need to go away. Where is she? I tear myself up all the time. Others just passively take it up the ass. Have fun, ass-takers. So am I fucking myself? Maybe. Do I know where I want to be? Maybe. |
| top |
|
| Friday, November 19 2004 - 17:30 | batmite |
|
|
Sketch section filled out, it was buggin' me. :) Enjoy! |
| top |
|
| Mumble Mumble... |
| Friday, November 19 2004 - 16:15 | batmite |
|
|
Work is extremely boring and pointless. Still texting. I got invited to go out to a show of some sort tonight.... just may do that. AMC is working, Waaaah! I hope she feels better. Sunday for sure, ok? :)  Forgot this one for some reason. Too risque? Added to the long list here. |
| top |
|
| Brain Surgery |
| Thursday, November 18 2004 - 1:12 | batmite |
|
|
Depression sucks. Thinking about the state of non-being. Imagining non existence. Being very afraid. And having it all go away in just a quiet moment. The solo journey undertaken where nobody hears or sees me. A nagging sense of not belonging. I leave and I return unnoticed. :( Random text messages from another person, the quiet cold of the house, the background TV noise muttering to nobody in particular. This helps the state of mind. I have nothing to lose at all, So I may as well make it a fun occasion. But still the question remains: Where does one go from here. Remember this, the Paradigm Lost. |
| top |
|
| No title for this one. |
| Sunday, November 14 2004 - 2:56 | batmite |
|
|
When you feel like time is wasted. When you cannot wait until the next time The lips part and the taste mingles Love is in your heart again. |
| top |
|
| I knew I should have titled this. |
| Wednesday, November 3 2004 - 0:49 | batmite |
|
|
I think I have a very healthy fear of people. I never said this fear was sane. In my life what have I done today? Nothing. Fixed problems other people have no clue about. I did not learn anything. I became more and more bitter. I drank 3 22oz beers tonight. I recovered a hat. I thought about calling and didn't. I gave Morgan a ride. I declined a social event. I cried. I thought about JagerMeister. Meanwhile read about John Titor. Who is sane? What is sanity? I'm tired. Really tired. People suck. So do I. I'm such a fucking pussy. :| |
| top |
|
| Whoo hoo!!! |
| Thursday, September 9 2004 - 20:28 | batmite |
|
|
New fave music section just below 9353! This new section is going to get really really long! Have fun! :) |
| top |
|
| Screw this thing.... |
| Wednesday, August 25 2004 - 23:51 | batmite |
|
|
I don't feel very complete lately. Like almost on the edge of losing it. Questioning everything and wondering what the point is behind it all. work, drive, eat, sleep, drive. Seeing how people are driven to do stupid things 'acting the victim', as if they have no choice. Like I am any different in that respect. I see myself getting up and walking away while never looking back. work, drive, eat, sleep, drive, and what for, I ask... What is the point? Things used to be easier. Am I just making it hard on myself? I suppose my lonelyness(sp) has alot to do with it. This is another reason why people get married, they just can't hack it as they get older. Wrap that thought into my inherent instability and see what comes out the other end. WTF. I'm just tired of the lack of.... (fill in blank) Livejournal sucks :)  So what was it that drove me to do this one? Now playing: One Piece soundtrack music How's that for a wierd link. :) At least I try to keep my life interesting, not boring. I think I would have been dead years ago if I was bored with it all. Oh, yeah. Almost forgot, I'm still not smoking! C'mon girls, I'm single! :) |
| top |
|
| hahaha!!! |
| Friday, August 13 2004 - 17:03 | batmite |
|
|
Still not smoking!!! I never knew it was this easy... I just got sick of the nastiness... :) |
| top |
|
| Updated Paintings |
| Tuesday, August 10 2004 - 15:20 | batmite |
|
|
1. updated Lust - Larger, correct colors 2. updated Demon - Larger, correct colors 3. fixed Envy (was Rudebrat temporarily) 4. uploaded untitled 2 5. uploaded untitled 3 6. Quit smoking last wednesday (8-4-2004). GRRRR. I wanna choke someone. ok. nevermind. |
| top |
|
| 2 new paintings... |
| Monday, August 2 2004 - 15:01 | batmite |
|
|
I have 2 new paintings I have taken pictures of... and I have not uploaded them yet. Both are untitled at the moment. I can totally understand why artists get tired of naming their paintings, or give them completely random and nonsensical names. It gets boring, folks. Actually, one of them is unfinished (but close), so I should not post a picture of it yet. :) I have that really bad habit of being un-patient with this stuff..... |
| top |
|
| Woot! A new look! |
| Friday, July 30 2004 - 17:37 | batmite |
|
|
I was once again sick of the design of the old site... so... I changed it once again! :) Managing all this content is such a pain in the ass... and in the first place it's not really alot of stuff! Whew! |
| top |
|
| New work soon! |
| Wednesday, July 28 2004 - 13:20 | batmite |
|
|
There is alot of new work that I have not yet digitized, stay tuned! :) I have maybe around five to seven pieces in progress. |
| top |
|
| sucky site. |
| Monday, July 19 2004 - 16:53 | batmite |
|
|
You would think that I would make a better site, seeing as I develop web pages for a living. hehe! I suppose I don't make it better since I'm not getting paid for it! ha! |
| top |
|
| Bla bla bla |
| Monday, July 19 2004 - 4:03 | batmite |
|
|
Ok, it's 3:56 am on sunday (monday). Why am I not sleeping? Totally unknown. Just browsing my college friend's website: http://www.nioncapul.net/ I'm glad to see he has not changed all that much! (in terms of creative output and imagination.) He is totally Awesome. Now I wonder to myself about my own life and where it's going. sigh. I think I overcomplexify the situation. Sleep Damnit! :) |
| top |
|
| Side Menu has been fixed!!! :) |
| Thursday, July 15 2004 - 20:02 | batmite |
|
|
yay! I was a total dumbass and put something really stupid into the CSS. That can happen really easily, since in IE it looks perfect, however stricter browsers such as Safari and FireFox/Mozilla take CSS directives literally. IE is helpful in that way, but it really does promote bad web page coding habits, unfortunately. BLA! I'm running Firefox from now onwards, since anything I write that looks OK in FireFox will work in IE as well. |
| top |
|
| Broken Broken |
| Saturday, July 10 2004 - 5:13 | batmite |
|
|
Broken menu on the left side: Yes, I know it's broken, when I have time I will fix it. :) I'm tired.... |
| top |
|
| New Stuff. |
| Tuesday, June 29 2004 - 1:21 | batmite |
|
| 2 new works posted in the paintings section, Enjoy! :) |
| top |
|
| Wierd |
| Wednesday, March 17 2004 - 13:42 | batmite |
|
|
I had a really wierd dream about Michele McClendon last night. WIERD. I think Pindi was there too.... yeah, wierd. (that's wierd 3x) |
| top |
|
| yay! |
| Tuesday, March 2 2004 - 13:12 | batmite |
|
|
I have created a new side menu... it's not fully integrated yet, so..... there! :) |
| top |
|
| Ahhhh |
| Thursday, February 12 2004 - 17:14 | batmite |
|
|
Listening to Rudimentary Peni... What a flash from the past! :) |
| top |
|
| 3 new paintings posted |
| Thursday, January 15 2004 - 16:23 | batmite |
|
|
Three new (old, actually) paintings in the paintings section. Very slow day today, working on the BeyondMissing Manual again..... I never knew such a simple site would have such a time-intensive manual. :| Busy work is all it is, I suppose.. |
| top |
|
| Coranto conversion in progress |
| Thursday, January 8 2004 - 17:35 | batmite |
|
|
I'm very busy converting my site over to CGI driven Coranto, it seems to work really well! It is a little tedious setting up profiles and styles, however. :P So... bear with me, It's going to be pretty messy around here for a few weeks or whatever. :) Paintings, Past, and Sketches (no posts yet!) have been converted. 3d art and 2d art are next, possibly with major culling of the 'herd'. :) I think I may kill my poetry section... :P yay! |
| top |
|
| Testing 1,2,3 |
| Wednesday, January 7 2004 - 19:51 | batmite |
|
|
I have not done this in a while. Jeff Spahr. Answer your EMAILS! Lucy Roughton, Your email address is bad! Email me! Jaqueline (sp) Jordan just emailed me! Wham! 15 years later! ouch!! :) ok, that's enuf for now!! |
| top |
|
| News Posting Software / CGI |
| Wednesday, August 27 2003 - 11:39 | batmite |
|
| I think I have a new news posting system that may do what I want it to... It's called Coranto. I hope it has the ability to keep several different news boards... My plan is to make the entire site CGI driven and updateable through a web interface.... hrmmm. |
| top |
|